True Story Of My Ursula The Sea Witch Looking Boss

    Now THIS is a true story that happened right before I made my exit from the rat race. Matter of fact this was one of the main motivating factors in me leaving for good . . . my last boss. I'd been working at a hospital network corporate office and some of the high-up corporate zombies announced we'd be getting a new boss.

   Of course all of the other drones in the department acted thrilled but secretly already hated whoever it was about to be. Then she stepped in to be introduced . . . now pardon the sensationalizing for the sake of humor but this is how I remember her. Weighing about four tons, black circles around her eyes, greasy o'l nasty black hair, breasts growing from practically everywhere on her, and that nice black mark on the front of her teeth that crackheads get from hitting the pipe for years . . . and long tentacles that spread across the floor.

    You could TELL this lady had nothing going for her but this job. When she was telling us about herself she explained how she came in on Saturdays and worked late just to work her way up. It made us all sick to our stomachs. Back to work we went and she didn't hesitate to start terrorizing folks and making her evil presence felt. She started making rounds and slithering her tentacles aross the floor, creeping up from behind people while they were peacefully on the internet avoiding work. She crept up from behind on me while I was playing solitaire and said in a dead serious manner with just enough sarcasm to prevent a confrontation "is that what we should be doing on company time?"

   First of all I hated the "we" reference, I didn't want to be refered to in the same club as a sea witch. But that day set the pace for what was coming. When she moved into her position and her new desk she did her usual corporate terrorism, making rounds, trying to tactfully rear us like children and take her anger out on the world by enforcing the bull shit policies. I still kept on avoiding work and browsing the internet. I developed a vendetta against the sea witch. It sometimes felt like there were only us two in the office and nobody else. I felt her over my shoulder almost constantly even when she wasn't there. It was hell.

   I felt like tested by the universe because of this lady. I decided to rebel . . and just start not doing SHIT . . right in her face and be blatant about it. We all have had that urge, to just not do a damn thing at work right when your boss is coming around and then act like nothing is wrong. I acted on that urge. Of course my productivity went down and she was getting PISSED. I was making her look stupid in front of the corporate jackasses she'd brown nosed to get her position. She tried turning up the heat, they gave me all kinds of write ups but I was resolved that they would have to fire me. I wouldn't quit.

   That's when I had an epiphany . . . this boss was the worst it was going to get for me. Her huge ugly face stood for everything a boss is. I kiss-butt that's only self identity is who she is with the company, angry that she's taken her vow of live servitude and wanting the people under her to pay for it. They called me into the office for one last attempt at trying to make me do work. It was the sea witch, and some other corporate kiss-ass I never met asking me if I wanted to be there. I sarcastically replied "yes of course, if I didn't then I wouldn't" They sensed the sarcasm and the sea witch became furious but didn't let it surface.

   "We notice you doing nothing here, just browsing the internet, playing solitaire, looking at your phone, I don't think you want to be here" she said. They told me to pack my stuff and leave. As I was packing I asked a question I had been wanting to ask the whole time out of spite, "Where did you get that stain on your teeth from?" I started laughing hysterically. She just stood there frozen, tentacles flat on the floor. I left laughing the whole time knowing I was free. In a way I owe the sea witch for presenting me with the last hurdle needed to be free. Everybody's got a sea witch or "last boss" at work that they want throw a harpoon at and since most drones don't stand up to them I thought I'd share my story. Thank you Ursula for making me realize I'd rather start my own business than deal with the evil that is a boss.