Top Excuses To Skip Work (HILARIOUS)

Sorry Boss. I can't come into work today - my spiritual guide says work is for losers!


It was such a lovely day that I thought it would be a pity to get up
Working hard ain't what it's cracked up to be. It's just worry and worry, and sweat and sweat, and a-wishing you was dead all the time.


I don’t like the smell of the office.


I am over-employed.


I don’t like to use a computer.

I am making too much money and don’t feel that I am worth it.


My co-workers aren't exciting enough.

I don’t like the lighting in the building.


10 More Excuses to Skip Work


I stayed home to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in the oven, so I didn't do it.


There is something wrong with my eyesight. I can't see going to work.


I was starting to enjoy my job. I read somewhere that "The more you enjoy something, the worse it is for you." So I will skip work for this reason.


I had nothing to complain about today and a guy by the name of Kranske said, "Beware of a day during which you don't have something to complain about."


I felt that I was in a hole. As the adage says, "If you are in a hole, stop digging."

I am a problem solver. What's the use of being at work? Einstein said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used to create them."


My boss believes he is a master. Sit at the feet of the master long enough and they start to smell.


Freedom is where it's at, baby.


I like to be happy and happiness is not good for work.


If you have work to do, and put it off long enough, chances are that some other employee will do it for you.


It it is all the same to you I won't be coming to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.



When I got up this morning I took two Ex- Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space- time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.


I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Ok?


I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Wal-Mart.


Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with AT&T, but thank you for calling.


Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come in to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.


The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.


The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.


My mother-in-law has come back as one of the undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.


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I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at home with our sick son.

I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You sure I should come in?