Work Place Excuses (Use Extreme Caution)

Seven Banned Excuses



What am I supposed to do?


I'm not dealing with this.

We're having lunch.

 

The working day is over.

Somebody else has the documents.

I think I was off sick at the time.


There's no money.



Top-10 Excuses to Use If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk


I have earned this nap due to my super performance.


This is just a 10-minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.


The ghosts in my house kept me up all last night and I just couldn't work unless I took a power nap.

I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and creating a new way to encourage more teamwork around here.


This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!


My doctor told me reduce my stress and to relax at work.


I just read the book The Joy of Not Working and I was concerned about becoming a workaholic.


 I was waiting for an okay to get started on my next project.


Nobody ever told me that napping was against company policy. Is it?


I didn't want to appear arrogant by getting all my work done way ahead of schedule.


Top-10 Handy General Office Excuses


I told someone else to do it.


That's the way we've always done it.


I didn't know that you were in a hurry for it.


I thought you meant June 21st of next year.

A real problem has no solution and that is the type of problem I am on now.


I didn't think it was as important as what the CEO asked me to do.


Punctuality is the thief of time.


No one told me in my interview that I was being hired to do that.


I'm so busy that I can't get around to it for a month or two.


I thought it was the President's job.

Top Excuses To Skip Work (HILARIOUS)

Sorry Boss. I can't come into work today - my spiritual guide says work is for losers!


It was such a lovely day that I thought it would be a pity to get up
Working hard ain't what it's cracked up to be. It's just worry and worry, and sweat and sweat, and a-wishing you was dead all the time.


I don’t like the smell of the office.


I am over-employed.


I don’t like to use a computer.

I am making too much money and don’t feel that I am worth it.


My co-workers aren't exciting enough.

I don’t like the lighting in the building.


10 More Excuses to Skip Work


I stayed home to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in the oven, so I didn't do it.


There is something wrong with my eyesight. I can't see going to work.


I was starting to enjoy my job. I read somewhere that "The more you enjoy something, the worse it is for you." So I will skip work for this reason.


I had nothing to complain about today and a guy by the name of Kranske said, "Beware of a day during which you don't have something to complain about."


I felt that I was in a hole. As the adage says, "If you are in a hole, stop digging."

I am a problem solver. What's the use of being at work? Einstein said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used to create them."


My boss believes he is a master. Sit at the feet of the master long enough and they start to smell.


Freedom is where it's at, baby.


I like to be happy and happiness is not good for work.


If you have work to do, and put it off long enough, chances are that some other employee will do it for you.


It it is all the same to you I won't be coming to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.



When I got up this morning I took two Ex- Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space- time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.


I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Ok?


I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Wal-Mart.


Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with AT&T, but thank you for calling.


Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come in to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.


The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.


The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.


My mother-in-law has come back as one of the undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.


Your work success hint! It's not IF you fight or disagree. It's not how often you argue. It's not WHAT you argue about. It's about HOW you argue, fight or disagree, whether at home or at work. Learn to disagree, argue and fight fairly and you WILL see a difference in your relationships, and how others perceive you. Learn the rules of fighting fair and fair disagreement by clicking here.


I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at home with our sick son.

I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.

I'm feeling a little disgruntled this morning. You sure I should come in?

Motivating Anti-Job Quotes

My father taught me to work, but not to love it. I never did like to work, and I don't deny it. I'd rather read, tell stories, crack jokes, talk, laugh - anything but work.

- Abraham Lincoln


How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years gotten enough to eat and escaped being eaten?
- Logan Pearsall Smith


Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.
- Robert Louis Stevenson


One of the saddest things is that the only thing that a man can do for eight hours a day, day after day, is work. You can't eat eight hours a day nor drink for eight hours a day nor make love for eight hours - all you can do for eight hours is work. Which is the reason why man makes himself and everybody else so miserable and unhappy.
- William Faulkner


The man who does not betake himself at once and desperately to sawing is called a loafer, though he may be knocking at the doors of heaven all the while.
- Henry David Thoreau


There are only four types of officer. First, there are the lazy stupid ones. Leave them alone, they do no harm. Second, there are the hard-working intelligent ones. They make excellent staff officers, ensuring that every detail is properly considered. Third, there are the hard-working, stupid ones. These people are a menace and must be fired at once. They create irrelevant work for everyone. Finally, there are the intelligent lazy ones. They are suited for the highest office.

-General von Manstein about the German Officer Corps


Always do one thing less than you think you can do.
- Bernard Baruch


What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it. Who was it who said, "Blessed is the man who has found his work"? Whoever it was he had the right idea in his mind. Mark you, he says his work - not somebody else's work. The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all. Cursed is the man who has found some other man's work and cannot lose it. When we talk about the great workers of the world we really mean the great players of the world. The fellows who groan and sweat under the weary load of toil that they bear never can hope to do anything great. How can they when their souls are in a ferment of revolt against the employment of their hands and brains? The product of slavery, intellectual or physical, can never be great.
- Mark Twain


Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- Phyllis Diller


I say to hell with the work you have to do to earn a living! That kind of work does us no honor; all it does is fill up the bellies of the pigs who exploit us. But the work you do because you like to do it, because you've heard the call, you've got a vocation - that's ennobling! We should all be able to work like that. Look at me, Saturno - I don't work. And I don't care if they hang me, I won't work! Yet I'm alive! I may live badly, but at least I don't have to work to do it!
- Luis Buñuel


Some aspects of success seem rather silly as death approaches.
- Donald A. Miller


To the mad every day is a holiday.
- Turkish proverb

The rich don't work for money.
- Robert T. Kiyosaki


There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.
- Christopher Morley

Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.

- Sylvia Robinson

Is it hot in the rolling mill? Are the hours long? Is $15 a day not enough? Then escape is easy. Simply throw up your job, spit on your hands, and write another "Rosenkavailer."
- H. L. Mencken

A working girl is one who quit her job to get married.

- E. J. Kiefer


You're astonishing. How dare you waste it!
- Seth Godin


You have given me the courage to quit my job. I used to be a tax consultant. Now I'm a human being again.

- Les Oake

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. 

- Mark Twain

Anyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times, definitely will. 

- John Kenneth Galbraith

My Take On Time

Now I don't mean to get all guru on you drones but this is a very important subject, matter of fact it's probably one of the most important subjects period. More people should think about time and their relation to it. If people thought about their time once in a while maybe they could snap out of their zombie-like state they have to go under just to make it through the day. Think for a second what you think of when you think of the word "time".

   Probably responsibilities, how little TIME you have to get shit done, trying to be on TIME for stuff (like a filthy job), etc. Mostly the drones that I've talked to relate time to everyday tedious bull shit but that ain't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about HOW MUCH TIME YOU HAVE ON EARTH. I know that may seem like a jump in contrast but the working-undead need to consider this concept . . . everyday.

   We all acknowledge that life is short and all the common cliches but have you really thought about how little time you have . . . all the way from usual human life expectancy down to your day to day schedule?


First, how do you put a price on time? How do you price something you only get one of like . . a LIFE? How in the HELL can you take a bunch of pieces of green paper in exchange for a huge piece of the one thing you get that you only get one of? And the thing you're selling is fragile as hell already and isn't promised tomorrow. Kind of gets you thinking doesn't it? Kind of makes you angry? It SHOULD. That's why I'm still disgruntled.

   I hear a lot of you bellyaching reading this, saying to yourself "Well disgruntled ex-employee I have bills to pay, it's easier to just sell my soul and not think about it than to acknowledge I have to do something about this shit." Well get over yourself. NO person has the right to place a value on another person's time or life. That responsibility belongs to the person selling it. If you agree that your time is worth 30 or 40k a year or however much they're saying your year is worth then you're not looking at the big picture.

   There are millionaire's that wouldn't get out of bed in the morning for 40k. They would rather spend their time their way. I'm not saying everybody is going to be a millionaire or that you even have that kind of ambition but you have to see that you MUST get into the mindset that you need to be doing whatever the hell YOU want to do with your time.  Look at how fast 10 years go by. 10 years isn't shit folks. And guess what? You only get about 7 or 8 of those . . . 9 if you're lucky.

   So while you're sitting at a job, your expiration date is getting closer, so are your bosses' and their bosses' all the way up. They depend on you not being aware of how little time you have to keep their evil empire going. Do you see your job passing out company workbooks on how to make your life the ultimate experience? HELL no.

   If you need any affirmation that living a life doing what other people want you to do talk to an old person you know that has regrets. You don't want to be that. So I suggest consider what you really want to do in life, get up, and go God damn do it because NOT doing what you want with your life is . . . a waste of time.

True Story Of My Ursula The Sea Witch Looking Boss

    Now THIS is a true story that happened right before I made my exit from the rat race. Matter of fact this was one of the main motivating factors in me leaving for good . . . my last boss. I'd been working at a hospital network corporate office and some of the high-up corporate zombies announced we'd be getting a new boss.

   Of course all of the other drones in the department acted thrilled but secretly already hated whoever it was about to be. Then she stepped in to be introduced . . . now pardon the sensationalizing for the sake of humor but this is how I remember her. Weighing about four tons, black circles around her eyes, greasy o'l nasty black hair, breasts growing from practically everywhere on her, and that nice black mark on the front of her teeth that crackheads get from hitting the pipe for years . . . and long tentacles that spread across the floor.

    You could TELL this lady had nothing going for her but this job. When she was telling us about herself she explained how she came in on Saturdays and worked late just to work her way up. It made us all sick to our stomachs. Back to work we went and she didn't hesitate to start terrorizing folks and making her evil presence felt. She started making rounds and slithering her tentacles aross the floor, creeping up from behind people while they were peacefully on the internet avoiding work. She crept up from behind on me while I was playing solitaire and said in a dead serious manner with just enough sarcasm to prevent a confrontation "is that what we should be doing on company time?"

   First of all I hated the "we" reference, I didn't want to be refered to in the same club as a sea witch. But that day set the pace for what was coming. When she moved into her position and her new desk she did her usual corporate terrorism, making rounds, trying to tactfully rear us like children and take her anger out on the world by enforcing the bull shit policies. I still kept on avoiding work and browsing the internet. I developed a vendetta against the sea witch. It sometimes felt like there were only us two in the office and nobody else. I felt her over my shoulder almost constantly even when she wasn't there. It was hell.

   I felt like tested by the universe because of this lady. I decided to rebel . . and just start not doing SHIT . . right in her face and be blatant about it. We all have had that urge, to just not do a damn thing at work right when your boss is coming around and then act like nothing is wrong. I acted on that urge. Of course my productivity went down and she was getting PISSED. I was making her look stupid in front of the corporate jackasses she'd brown nosed to get her position. She tried turning up the heat, they gave me all kinds of write ups but I was resolved that they would have to fire me. I wouldn't quit.

   That's when I had an epiphany . . . this boss was the worst it was going to get for me. Her huge ugly face stood for everything a boss is. I kiss-butt that's only self identity is who she is with the company, angry that she's taken her vow of live servitude and wanting the people under her to pay for it. They called me into the office for one last attempt at trying to make me do work. It was the sea witch, and some other corporate kiss-ass I never met asking me if I wanted to be there. I sarcastically replied "yes of course, if I didn't then I wouldn't" They sensed the sarcasm and the sea witch became furious but didn't let it surface.

   "We notice you doing nothing here, just browsing the internet, playing solitaire, looking at your phone, I don't think you want to be here" she said. They told me to pack my stuff and leave. As I was packing I asked a question I had been wanting to ask the whole time out of spite, "Where did you get that stain on your teeth from?" I started laughing hysterically. She just stood there frozen, tentacles flat on the floor. I left laughing the whole time knowing I was free. In a way I owe the sea witch for presenting me with the last hurdle needed to be free. Everybody's got a sea witch or "last boss" at work that they want throw a harpoon at and since most drones don't stand up to them I thought I'd share my story. Thank you Ursula for making me realize I'd rather start my own business than deal with the evil that is a boss.

10 Reasons You Should Never Get A Job

MUST READ . . .

This article HERE ladies and gentledrones captures SO many points I try to make on a day to day basis with folks. This job roasting piece of writing comes courtesy of StevePavlina.com . I don't know how many of you all have read it but it's brutally honest and it's one of the many articles I read while I was still a disgruntled employee. If this doesn't wake drones up to some stuff in their own lives I don't know what will. Enjoy!

10 Reasons You Should Never Get A Job

It’s funny that when people reach a certain age, such as after graduating college, they assume it’s time to go out and get a job. But like many things the masses do, just because everyone does it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. In fact, if you’re reasonably intelligent, getting a job is one of the worst things you can do to support yourself. There are far better ways to make a living than selling yourself into indentured servitude.


Here are some reasons you should do everything in your power to avoid getting a job:






1. Income for dummies.


Getting a job and trading your time for money may seem like a good idea. There’s only one problem with it. It’s stupid! It’s the stupidest way you can possibly generate income! This is truly income for dummies.


Why is getting a job so dumb? Because you only get paid when you’re working. Don’t you see a problem with that, or have you been so thoroughly brainwashed into thinking it’s reasonable and intelligent to only earn income when you’re working? Have you never considered that it might be better to be paid even when you’re not working? Who taught you that you could only earn income while working? Some other brainwashed employee perhaps?


Don’t you think your life would be much easier if you got paid while you were eating, sleeping, and playing with the kids too? Why not get paid 24/7? Get paid whether you work or not. Don’t your plants grow even when you aren’t tending to them? Why not your bank account?


Who cares how many hours you work? Only a handful of people on this entire planet care how much time you spend at the office. Most of us won’t even notice whether you work 6 hours a week or 60. But if you have something of value to provide that matters to us, a number of us will be happy to pull out our wallets and pay you for it. We don’t care about your time — we only care enough to pay for the value we receive. Do you really care how long it took me to write this article? Would you pay me twice as much if it took me 6 hours vs. only 3?


Non-dummies often start out on the traditional income for dummies path. So don’t feel bad if you’re just now realizing you’ve been suckered. Non-dummies eventually realize that trading time for money is indeed extremely dumb and that there must be a better way. And of course there is a better way. The key is to de-couple your value from your time.


Smart people build systems that generate income 24/7, especially passive income. This can include starting a business, building a web site, becoming an investor, or generating royalty income from creative work. The system delivers the ongoing value to people and generates income from it, and once it’s in motion, it runs continuously whether you tend to it or not. From that moment on, the bulk of your time can be invested in increasing your income (by refining your system or spawning new ones) instead of merely maintaining your income.


This web site is an example of such a system. At the time of this writing, it generates about $9000 a month in income for me (update: $40,000 a month as of 10/31/06), and it isn’t my only income stream either. I write each article just once (fixed time investment), and people can extract value from them year after year. The web server delivers the value, and other systems (most of which I didn’t even build and don’t even understand) collect income and deposit it automatically into my bank account. It’s not perfectly passive, but I love writing and would do it for free anyway. But of course it cost me a lot of money to launch this business, right? Um, yeah, $9 is an awful lot these days (to register the domain name). Everything after that was profit.


Sure it takes some upfront time and effort to design and implement your own income-generating systems. But you don’t have to reinvent the wheel — feel free to use existing systems like ad networks and affiliate programs. Once you get going, you won’t have to work so many hours to support yourself. Wouldn’t it be nice to be out having dinner with your spouse, knowing that while you’re eating, you’re earning money? If you want to keep working long hours because you enjoy it, go right ahead. If you want to sit around doing nothing, feel free. As long as your system continues delivering value to others, you’ll keep getting paid whether you’re working or not.


Your local bookstore is filled with books containing workable systems others have already designed, tested, and debugged. Nobody is born knowing how to start a business or generate investment income, but you can easily learn it. How long it takes you to figure it out is irrelevant because the time is going to pass anyway. You might as well emerge at some future point as the owner of income-generating systems as opposed to a lifelong wage slave. This isn’t all or nothing. If your system only generates a few hundred dollars a month, that’s a significant step in the right direction.






2. Limited experience.


You might think it’s important to get a job to gain experience. But that’s like saying you should play golf to get experience playing golf. You gain experience from living, regardless of whether you have a job or not. A job only gives you experience at that job, but you gain ”experience” doing just about anything, so that’s no real benefit at all. Sit around doing nothing for a couple years, and you can call yourself an experienced meditator, philosopher, or politician.


The problem with getting experience from a job is that you usually just repeat the same limited experience over and over. You learn a lot in the beginning and then stagnate. This forces you to miss other experiences that would be much more valuable. And if your limited skill set ever becomes obsolete, then your experience won’t be worth squat. In fact, ask yourself what the experience you’re gaining right now will be worth in 20-30 years. Will your job even exist then?


Consider this. Which experience would you rather gain? The knowledge of how to do a specific job really well — one that you can only monetize by trading your time for money – or the knowledge of how to enjoy financial abundance for the rest of your life without ever needing a job again? Now I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have the latter experience. That seems a lot more useful in the real world, wouldn’t you say?






3. Lifelong domestication.


Getting a job is like enrolling in a human domestication program. You learn how to be a good pet.


Look around you. Really look. What do you see? Are these the surroundings of a free human being? Or are you living in a cage for unconscious animals? Have you fallen in love with the color beige?


How’s your obedience training coming along? Does your master reward your good behavior? Do you get disciplined if you fail to obey your master’s commands?


Is there any spark of free will left inside you? Or has your conditioning made you a pet for life?


Humans are not meant to be raised in cages. You poor thing…






4. Too many mouths to feed.


Employee income is the most heavily taxed there is. In the USA you can expect that about half your salary will go to taxes. The tax system is designed to disguise how much you’re really giving up because some of those taxes are paid by your employer, and some are deducted from your paycheck. But you can bet that from your employer’s perspective, all of those taxes are considered part of your pay, as well as any other compensation you receive such as benefits. Even the rent for the office space you consume is considered, so you must generate that much more value to cover it. You might feel supported by your corporate environment, but keep in mind that you’re the one paying for it.


Another chunk of your income goes to owners and investors. That’s a lot of mouths to feed.


It isn’t hard to understand why employees pay the most in taxes relative to their income. After all, who has more control over the tax system? Business owners and investors or employees?


You only get paid a fraction of the real value you generate. Your real salary may be more than triple what you’re paid, but most of that money you’ll never see. It goes straight into other people’s pockets.


What a generous person you are!






5. Way too risky.


Many employees believe getting a job is the safest and most secure way to support themselves.


Morons.


Social conditioning is amazing. It’s so good it can even make people believe the exact opposite of the truth.


Does putting yourself in a position where someone else can turn off all your income just by saying two words (“You’re fired”) sound like a safe and secure situation to you? Does having only one income stream honestly sound more secure than having 10?


The idea that a job is the most secure way to generate income is just silly. You can’t have security if you don’t have control, and employees have the least control of anyone. If you’re an employee, then your real job title should be professional gambler.






6. Having an evil bovine master.


When you run into an idiot in the entrepreneurial world, you can turn around and head the other way. When you run into an idiot in the corporate world, you have to turn around and say, “Sorry, boss.”


Did you know that the word boss comes from the Dutch word baas, which historically means master? Another meaning of the word boss is “a cow or bovine.” And in many video games, the boss is the evil dude that you have to kill at the end of a level.


So if your boss is really your evil bovine master, then what does that make you? Nothing but a turd in the herd.


Who’s your daddy?






7. Begging for money.


When you want to increase your income, do you have to sit up and beg your master for more money? Does it feel good to be thrown some extra Scooby Snacks now and then?


Or are you free to decide how much you get paid without needing anyone’s permission but your own?


If you have a business and one customer says “no” to you, you simply say “next.”






8. An inbred social life.


Many people treat their jobs as their primary social outlet. They hang out with the same people working in the same field. Such incestuous relations are social dead ends. An exciting day includes deep conversations about the company’s switch from Sparkletts to Arrowhead, the delay of Microsoft’s latest operating system, and the unexpected delivery of more Bic pens. Consider what it would be like to go outside and talk to strangers. Ooooh… scary! Better stay inside where it’s safe.


If one of your co-slaves gets sold to another master, do you lose a friend? If you work in a male-dominated field, does that mean you never get to talk to women above the rank of receptionist? Why not decide for yourself whom to socialize with instead of letting your master decide for you? Believe it or not, there are locations on this planet where free people congregate. Just be wary of those jobless folk — they’re a crazy bunch!






9. Loss of freedom.


It takes a lot of effort to tame a human being into an employee. The first thing you have to do is break the human’s independent will. A good way to do this is to give them a weighty policy manual filled with nonsensical rules and regulations. This leads the new employee to become more obedient, fearing that s/he could be disciplined at any minute for something incomprehensible. Thus, the employee will likely conclude it’s safest to simply obey the master’s commands without question. Stir in some office politics for good measure, and we’ve got a freshly minted mind slave.


As part of their obedience training, employees must be taught how to dress, talk, move, and so on. We can’t very well have employees thinking for themselves, now can we? That would ruin everything.


God forbid you should put a plant on your desk when it’s against the company policy. Oh no, it’s the end of the world! Cindy has a plant on her desk! Summon the enforcers! Send Cindy back for another round of sterility training!


Free human beings think such rules and regulations are silly of course. The only policy they need is: “Be smart. Be nice. Do what you love. Have fun.”






10. Becoming a coward.


Have you noticed that employed people have an almost endless capacity to whine about problems at their companies? But they don’t really want solutions – they just want to vent and make excuses why it’s all someone else’s fault. It’s as if getting a job somehow drains all the free will out of people and turns them into spineless cowards. If you can’t call your boss a jerk now and then without fear of getting fired, you’re no longer free. You’ve become your master’s property.


When you work around cowards all day long, don’t you think it’s going to rub off on you? Of course it will. It’s only a matter of time before you sacrifice the noblest parts of your humanity on the altar of fear: first courage… then honesty… then honor and integrity… and finally your independent will. You sold your humanity for nothing but an illusion. And now your greatest fear is discovering the truth of what you’ve become.


I don’t care how badly you’ve been beaten down. It is never too late to regain your courage. Never!


Still want a job?


If you’re currently a well-conditioned, well-behaved employee, your most likely reaction to the above will be defensiveness. It’s all part of the conditioning. But consider that if the above didn’t have a grain of truth to it, you wouldn’t have an emotional reaction at all. This is only a reminder of what you already know. You can deny your cage all you want, but the cage is still there. Perhaps this all happened so gradually that you never noticed it until now… like a lobster enjoying a nice warm bath.


If any of this makes you mad, that’s a step in the right direction. Anger is a higher level of consciousness than apathy, so it’s a lot better than being numb all the time. Any emotion — even confusion — is better than apathy. If you work through your feelings instead of repressing them, you’ll soon emerge on the doorstep of courage. And when that happens, you’ll have the will to actually do something about your situation and start living like the powerful human being you were meant to be instead of the domesticated pet you’ve been trained to be.

Happily jobless

What’s the alternative to getting a job? The alternative is to remain happily jobless for life and to generate income through other means. Realize that you earn income by providing value — not time – so find a way to provide your best value to others, and charge a fair price for it. One of the simplest and most accessible ways is to start your own business. Whatever work you’d otherwise do via employment, find a way to provide that same value directly to those who will benefit most from it. It takes a bit more time to get going, but your freedom is easily worth the initial investment of time and energy. Then you can buy your own Scooby Snacks for a change.

Allow Myself To Introduce . . . . . Myself

I'm the disgruntled EX-employee . . . the guy who worked a bunch of shitty jobs I hated until I finally said screw it all and quit. So why am I still disgruntled? I'm glad you asked. It's because of all the years I feel robbed by corporate America for slaving away at their facilities of evil, making them rich while I toiled in some shithole office. Plus the fact that so many people all over America are stuck doing shit they hate EVERYDAY just for a measley paycheck that doesn't even compensate us PRETENDING to work. So what did "the man" give me in exchange for my years of blind service and dedication? Free cans of soda, a community fridge to store my cheap lunches, and birthday cake 68 times a week for employees' birthdays who I didn't give a shit about anyways. I felt that there are probably plenty of people that feel the same way I did so I put this blog together. But before really delving into what the content of this blog is going to be let's just look at what a job really is shall we drones. Here are the characteristics of a job (if you're being honest with yourself):

- YOU SELL YOUR TIME FOR MONEY (HOW THE HELL DO YOU PRICE TIME?)
- YOU DEAL WITH THE SAME BAFFOONS EVERYDAY
- YOU'RE TOLD WHAT TO DO AND REARED LIKE A CHILD
- MORE THAN LIKELY YOU'RE SMARTER THAN THE PEOPLE YOU ANSWER TO
- DEALING WITH BULLSHIT POLICIES AND THE BULLSHIT OF THEM MAKING MORE


AND that's just a slick few right there . . . which leads me to what the blog content is going to be. Now luckily the whole time I had this foul thing we call a "job" I would look for plenty of shit to do to APPEAR busy to the man. But what I was really doing was daydreaming (of course) and browsing the internet for random shit.

Mostly I'd look up stuff that would help me laugh and deal with the pain and anguish of office life with occasionally some self help and entrepreneurial stuff to hopefully get me the hell out of the rat race. So after all the mindless browsing and dodging my boss I decided start this blog to:

• Vent about office life and roast the SHIT out of the characters we see at work everyday
• Hopefully help other drones deal with the soul sucking workday through humor and info
• Maybe motivate some drones across America to get the hell out of the rat race while there's still time
• Get some satisfaction and a good night's sleep

I'll be posting articles, cartoons, videos, products, and other wonderful stuff that take jabs at "the man". Hopefully some of this stuff will inspire you because as you know I don't like working and this blog is going to take "work". What irony. And that about sums up the purpose of this blog, and yes I WILL be making plenty of references to the movie "Officespace" throughout this blog so subscribe to this blog and get used to it buddy.